Asking For What You Want – The Way You Want It
In recent articles, we've explored the art of conscious communication – cultivating intention and awareness, speaking truth in the moment, and communicating what we want. Practicing conscious communication enables us to create a bond of authenticity and trust with ourselves and with others, to share and receive the truthful expression of our feelings, and become fully present and alive in our experience.
Now, let's explore what it means to bring conscious communication into the sacred art of touch. To practice asking for what you want, the way you want it. This is an exercise in the art of "Yes! More! Please!" Inspired by Carlo Pati & Sohini Genevieve, this practice is intended to be both fun and a learning experience. The intention is to learn to become the director, or creator, of your own pleasure; to take full responsibility for the way you experience touch.
The Art of Sensual Communication
First, create a sacred space where you and your partner will be comfortable and free from distractions. As the receiver, you will be asking for different kinds of touch. Allow yourself to be fully aware of what you like, and ask for that in a positive manner. Remember, you're teaching your partner to give you what you want so he/she won't have to guess. Here are three simple communication keys for this practice.
Yes! "That's What I Want"
Clearly and explicitly ask for the touch you want. When your partner responds, offer a positive statement. "That particular kind of touch feels wonderful." or "You feel especially present and connected with me as you touch my hand that way."
More! "Keep Doing What You're Doing"
If you want to continue enjoying a particular touch, it's extremely helpful to tell your partner. It's the only way he/she will know that you are enjoying exactly what they are doing.
Please! "I'd Like Something Different"
When asking for a change, keep it positive and simple. "Would you please use a little more pressure." or "I'd love for you to use both hands now." When your partner responds to your guidance, remember to give feedback. "Yes, that feels great." By the way, you may discover you don't like a change you've requested, and it's totally appropriate to say: "I thought I'd like that, but actually I would prefer something else, like…"
Be sure to switch roles with your partner, so you cultivate the art of giving and receiving well. We recommend you practice this exercise many times, going deeper, exploring more detail, and learning to be even more precise with your guidance. In fact, practicing conscious communication in this fun, intimate way can prepare you for other situations when it's more difficult to communicate or share your truth. Remember, this is meant to be fun and pleasurable. So be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to discover more about yourself and your partner.
By practicing the simple but profound art of "Yes! More! Please!" you can cultivate your ability to experience touch as fully and deeply as possible. You can open to an even deeper level of communication between you and your partner, where communication becomes deep communion of two beings.
By Marilynne Chophel