Let’s discuss the art of conscious communication. Of speaking and listening with an open heart and mind. Of being in the moment with awareness and clear intention. Of sharing and receiving truth and expressing our deepest feelings.
In this article, we offer a simple approach to practicing conscious communication, one intended to internalize the art of expressing and communicating what we want. The purpose is to create a bond of trust and intimacy with ourself and our partner. To allow ourself to identify and move beyond fears and resistances — including those fears and negative attitudes that block the free flow of energy during intimate connection.
Key Tenets: Intention and Presence
First, it’s important to set aside a period of time in which you both are willing to commit to spending sacred time/space together without interruptions. As you sit together, remember to breathe, relax, and stay centered. When you are the speaker, speak what is true for you in this moment. When you are the listener, maintain eye contact and don’t interrupt your partner – ask questions for clarification only. As the listener, your goal is to be a compassionate, supportive observer.
Speaking with Clarity and Awareness
Taking turns, talk about your intentions — what you want or desire from this interaction or discussion. Name any fears/ or resistances that might be in the way. Also, name any relevant boundaries or needs you may have during this interaction.
Healing and Releasing Fears
Taking turns, choose one or two fears about intimacy that you would be willing to share, and a recent experience when this came up.
To difuse negative energies associated with your fears, take a moment and close your eyes. Ask yourself: “Am I willing to move beyond, or let go of, the fears/resistances I have named?” Visualize a positive, supportive scenario that unfolds without the fears you mentioned (or heard). Allow the scenario to unfold in the most pleasurable and loving way you can imagine. After a few minutes, open your eyes and look into your partner’s eyes.
Communicating What We Want
Taking turns, share your desires, how you want to be loved and cared for by your partner. When speaking, remember to be specific and without blame or judgment of the other’s actions — instead focus on communicating what you want, and the way you want it. When listening, be a compassionate, neutral observer — your focus is on learning from your partner without having to guess or figure it out on your own.
When you are complete, find a loving and supportive way to close this time and space together. When you share feedback about the experience, share with your partner: 1) What was the most difficult moment? 2) What did you enjoy the most? 3) What did you learn to improve and enrich your relationship?
By Marilynne Chophel